Treatment

Some of you may have seen that I just went on a cruise with two of my best friends. I wrote a really well-thought through and witty post before I left. The problem is that I wrote it on my phone, and as soon as I finished writing it, I accidentally deleted the whole thing. **Rolls eyes** The post was mainly about how I have been doing emotionally the past few weeks, since there still wasn’t really an update regarding an official plan of care.  Here were the main points for discussion in the deleted post (keep in mind this is from the perspective of September 14th):

• Will know treatment plan in next 2-3 weeks
• Been going through tissue expansion process. It stinks, but it’s over...yay!
• Going on a cruise tomorrow
• Start back to work next week
• Breast reconstruction process on hold until treatment plan is identified (if chemo is not needed, reconstruction will likely take place in mid november) after second opinion appointment next week

So that’s all a little confusing since it’s what I was supposed to post on September 14th, but I just want to prove that I am not a complete blog slacker, and I did try to update the blog before today ;) Since that day, the following has occurred:

• Went on a 5 day cruise to Cozumel - this was an amazing time with sweet friends. It helped my body relax in a way it hadn’t been able to do at home, and as crazy as this might sound, it really prepared me for going back to work. It was the first time I had been out of the house for more than a few hours since my mastectomy on Aug 3, and it helped me identify that I am stronger than I thought and also helped increase my stamina.
• Last Wednesday, I had a second opinion appointment where it was confirmed that I will not require chemotherapy or radiation treatment! I will be doing systemic treatment in the form of a pill called Tamoxifen for 5 years. As far as potential boats I could be in, I have really ended up in a good one, and I am extremely grateful.
• I wanted to update you guys sooner, but Thursday I went back to work (so I just haven't had time)! I definitely noticed some limitations, and I still deal with pain and discomfort of some sort on a daily basis, but I was pleasantly surprised with how I felt overall. We were pretty slow, so hopefully I continue to be pleasantly surprised on days with heavier patient loads.
• Since I am not requiring chemo or radiation, my plastic surgeon is looking to get me scheduled sometime mid-November. I also have an inguinal hernia I plan to have repaired at the same time (I know I know, I’m fallin’ apart ;), so I imagine that sometime this week the general surgeon and the plastic surgeon will be able to figure out a date that works for them both and will get me scheduled.

Those are the main updates. In a lot of ways it feels like I’m out of the woods, but in reality  - with 2 surgeries still coming, 5 years of Tamoxifen and the challenges this will bring and could potentially bring, and the reality that Satan is Satan  - I still very much so need your support and prayers. I am also still very much so in a healing phase, and that will reset in many ways once I have my next surgery. Some days are flat harder than others. One moment I’m fine, and the next I am trying to hug my husband and realize I really can’t fully embrace, or be embraced, how I was before...and that reminder sends me to tears. I definitely struggle hard some days. Just last week I was shaking my fists at God and telling him I hated him in one hour and was on my face repenting hours later. I am a sinner just making my way through this journey, but (despite of my sin) I have found God to be with me every step of the way providing what I need to make it through. Someone very dear to me who has been walking her breast cancer journey for 10 years gave me these 3 pieces of advice:

1. Trusting God is a choice (not a feeling).
2. Focus on God -- not the cancer.
3. As Job said, “Yet will I praise Him!”

God truly gets me through each day as I strive to follow these three pieces of advice on a minute to minute basis. These simple reminders are so relevant to any of life’s numerous challenges, and I hope they encourage and challenge some of you as they have me. It has been so humbling to watch many of my prayer requests turn into praises, and I ask you each to continue praying and praising alongside me as I walk this journey.