Fight Like a Girl

Since getting back from Paris I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off to various appointments and running various errands to get ready for my upcoming procedures. Sorry I have not had time for an update until today! 

First, gotta give a shout out to my work family. They pulled one over on me and planned quite the surprise “Fight Like a Girl” party for me last Sunday. Even Chad was in on it.

Can’t thank you guys enough for planning such a thoughtful outpouring of support.

Meanwhile, today is a big day in my treatment that I did not mention in my first blog post. My surgical oncologist will be performing a sentinel node biopsy.  You may have seen on my prayer list to be praying that the cancer has not spread into my lymph system. Once removed, these nodes will tell us the answer to that prayer request.  

All the unknowns floating around out there these last few weeks have been one of the hardest parts of my breast cancer diagnosis.

Question: “What’s the plan?” 

Me: “I don’t know”

Question: “Will you need chemo and/or radiation”

Me: “I don’t know”

Question: “What stage is your cancer”

Me: “I don’t know”

Question: “Was it caught early?”

Me: “I don’t know”

And on the list goes. One other unknown, that was on my prayer list as well, was whether or not I have a gene mutation. I did receive these results, and they are negative (mostly).  In one of the genes that were tested, I have what is called a “variant of unknown significance.” Essentially, it’s a stray from the normal gene and “they” haven’t figured out what it means yet. Could be significant, could be insignificant; we don’t know at this point, and genetic counselors can't make any treatment plan recommendations based on this kind of result. Kinda frustrating - not gonna lie. That said, I am thankful I did not have a gene mutation that (for now anyway) will require me to worry about additional preventative surgeries.  

I continue to be comforted by the Lord and am reminded today of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Thank you Lord, for how you provide strength for the weak. 

T.M.I.

Bonjour! I made it home from France safely, and had the best time.  Thank you all for praying for my safety and my fun. Those requests were answered with a resounding YES.

This post won’t be about France, and it won’t be all about cancer either. I wanted to write a brief post to explain the name of the blog. It’s really not that deep, so it shouldn’t take long ;)

So, remember when we used to say “…and then I found five dollars” at the end of a boring or just flat out terrible story?  Heck, maybe you still say it. Well, “…so there’s that” is my version of that, but used after I’ve shared T.M.I. or something that normal people don’t openly share, and therefore, no one can think what to say to me afterward. This happens more frequently than I’d like to admit. Those of you who know me well are not surprised by this and can probably think of one or two moments where I shared too much too fast and filled the ensuing awkward silence with……… “….so there’s that” – you know what I’m talking about people.

I frequently find myself in trouble because of my loose tongue, but sharing T.M.I. has its benefits as well. I have learned over the years that while openly sharing one's mind is quite common, openly sharing feelings is not.  When sharing T.M.I in the feelings department, I have had many a “you struggle with that? So do I – I thought I was all alone” moment. Vulnerability tends to breed more vulnerability, and this is a good thing.

For this reason, and for a few years now, I’ve thought of starting a blog – a place where my true feelings could be posted. Well, add procrastination to my list of traits, as it’s taken breast cancer to finally start such a blog.  But that said, I wanted the name of the blog to be A) not too serious, and B) not all about breast cancer, so that once I’ve kicked this cancer’s butt (which I fully intend to do) I can continue sharing my “Welp, so there’s that” moments with you all.

I hope you look forward to it. I know I do.

A New Journey

June 20, 2016: the day I found out that cancer is not just something that happens to other people. It is something that has happened to me. I have been diagnosed with breast cancer that will require a mastectomy. This is scheduled for August 3.

I have to say, I have been amazed with the Lord’s provision over me in this time. One huge provision is that in April, I felt a marble-like mass in my monthly self-breast exam. This mass eventually led me to my ObGyn’s office where a mammogram and breast Ultrasound were ordered. These imaging studies revealed that the marble-like mass I felt was a benign cyst; however, there was a separate suspicious area on my mammogram. A stereotactic biopsy of that suspicious area led to my diagnosis of breast cancer. Without that benign cyst, I would still be walking around completely oblivious to what an MRI has now shown to be a 9x6x4cm area of non-palpable breast cancer. God is truly so good. All the time. 

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says:

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Let me tell you, God has made me feel light, and my soul truly has found rest in this heavy-laden time. He is carrying this burden for me. While I certainly have had moments of sadness, tearful times, and moments of “freak-out,” overall I have felt so incredibly peaceful, stable, and I have felt such courage. This comes from the Lord, is definitely not my norm, and is another huge provision in my life.

Though Chad and I are normally fairly private in our praise of one another, I have to take a moment to give him a proper shout-out. He is gentle and tender, yet strong. He is sacrificial, humble, loving, thoughtful, loyal, patient and trustworthy. This has not been easy for him, yet he continues to put me first. He is consistently a million bazillion things that make me so grateful, and make him yet another of many provisions from the Lord on my life. 

For those of you who have been praying for us: thank you. God is truly at work through your prayers. If you are wondering what you can do for me – right now, prayer is the only thing I know for sure I need. Although, I know a time is coming soon when I will have more physically tangible needs, and there are a couple links along with prayer requests in the right sidebars that provide insight on what those needs might look like.

I am so sorry I wasn’t able to share with each of you before posting this. From here on out, I will be providing updates through this site, so this will be your go-to if you want to stay in the know about my journey moving through cancer. 

“Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.” Psalm 63:3